If there is one thing that I am learning..its to start taking more of an honest assessmen of myself. Because in the end "self" is the only person that will be judged on judgement day. I will not be able to explain "But.. you know what they said..you know what they did" It will only be me. I tell you one thing is that some of the new adjectives that I have had to use to describe myself while I'm in this transition has not always been so easy on the flesh. Some of them include: Prideful, Selfish, and Moody. Wow! that's even hard to write but the only way for me to grow is to first acknowledge that there is a problem in the first place.
I have to admit during this process that its hard to stand in my own shoes and "take it" but sometimes with tears in my eyes I stand in it for as long as I need to. But, the good thing about having a relationship with God is that everyday I get to start over fresh and once you know better you do better. We are responsible for the things that God reveals to us.
As far as my perspective on understanding the spiritual and the natural its a day to day battle nad struggle. For me everything is black and white..right or wrong. When you do good you get rewards when you do bad you get punished. That's how it works right? Well, now matter how simple that sounds I really am having a hard time with that concept (in regards to why it does't always work that way). I rebelled against it for the longest and sometimes well I should say on some issues I still fight hard against it. I"m like "No! that is not right..why isn't he/she being punished?..grrrrr!!!" I just dont get it? Not only is it not working in the natural but its not working in the spiritual either. Sometimes I 'm like " Hello God
